This job is hard.

I asked my husband last night if he ever felt overwhelmed, as if he felt in over his head. He said, sure, sometimes. I clarified, did he feel this way about the kids, did he ever not know what to do with them? And he said “no, never”.

That must be nice, because I feel overwhelmed and unsure several times a week.

Last night, shortly after bedtime, Mr. 1 makes an unusual cry and I go in to investigate. His foot is caught in between the crib and the wall and in the dark it looked completely backwards. I immediately try to get it out and without light it feels stuck and I freak out that his leg is broken or his ligament is torn and that’s when he starts crying for real. I feel like I’m the one that broke his leg so I yell for my husband and he comes running but by then the foot is out and the baby is fine. It all took about 30 seconds and I was the only one crying after that. 

My toddler watched the whole thing from his bed (they share a room) and said “what’s wrong?”. 

If I had taken the time to turn on a light and look at the foot or consider that the baby noises were of discomfort, not screaming pain, I would have realized there was no reason to worry.  

There are other signs that make me feel like I am not cut out for this job. We were brushing teeth last Thursday, the night I put them to bed myself because my husband plays basketball, and Mr. 3 was goofing around and not listening and I may have said something along the lines of “put your teeth together, doofus!”… 

It’s shameful, calling my three year old names, isn’t it? 

My husband tells me he thinks I’m doing a wonderful job… but there is no way to really tell, is there? 

I have to remind myself that these kids are happy and healthy. That is all that matters in the end. 

Do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? 


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